Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
