Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
