I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
