it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
