Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
