I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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