I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
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