I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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