Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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