haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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