I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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