he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
