You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
