i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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