$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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