It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
