I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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