I'm so fucking centered right now
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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