yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
