I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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