so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
