I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
