what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
