I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
