Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
