I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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