On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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