Sacagawea was the original milf.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
