I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
