You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
