This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
