last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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