well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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