Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
