brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
