dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
