Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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