I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
