She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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