i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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