at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I can feel your judgement through the phone
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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