so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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