Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
