I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
