That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
