So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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