Your face is a jimmy john
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
