the condom got lost in my hair
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
