My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
