he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
