I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Sorry my hands just texted you
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
